Happy Birthday Peanut!

My sweet Peanut - you turn four today. The countdown started about three weeks ago and now the big day is here! You have been soo excited. I wish I could stop time and keep you just the way you are. But I said that at eight months, and 18 months and two and a half. So really I don't - because I wouldn't get to watch you grow into the amazing little person you are.

I always say I'm not sure what I did on this earth to get to be your mommy. That big smile that greets me every morning. That inquisitive little brain of yours or that big heart that says "that's ok" every single time your little sister whacks you over the head. The way you color in the lines and are a pro at puzzles but get annoyed if you can't get it right. How after baking together you look at me and say "thank you momma for baking cupcakes for my class." Your absolute love for anything involving craft paper and glue and how your tiny body fits perfectly in the crook of my arms as if we were made for each other. How you hate spaghetti but love sushi. I know perfect doesn't really exist but you are certainly perfect to me. Three year-old whining tantrums and all.

Your grandma used to always tell me that I "was the beat in her heart" and I never really got it. But oh do I get it now. You are the person that made me a mom. That's a pretty big deal. You are the person that showed me how much my heart was truly capable of loving. And how scary loving someone that much can be. You teach me everyday to slow down and savor the little things. And how much possibility the world has.

It's hard to believe that four years has gone by since I took that little five pound peanut with a head full of thick black hair home from the hospital. Thank you for being my sweet angel and happy birthday. I love you super big.

Mommy

Sleep

Isn't it funny how inspiration hits when you least expect it? I've been struggling with what to write for the past week, in between life and laundry I feel like I'm struggling to find my voice. And then at 4am I hear a tiny one. "Mommy - I have to go pee pee." So potty we go. Back to bed, although now I'm composing a mental to-do list in my head.

"Momma!!" "Momma!" I jump out of bed and go running to Weesie's room. "I want an apple," comes through tear-filled sobs. "It's to early for an apple, go back to bed," I tell her as I lovingly stroke her little head. Back to my bedroom I go. "What was that about," comes a voice from the other side of the bed. "She wanted an apple." He laughs. I don't.

Pitter, patter. Pitter, patter. It's the oldest again. "Mommy, I need to pee pee again." Dear lord, we may need to see a doctor. Mid-potty break, the sounds of screaming come from the little one's room yet again. "Go back to sleep baby, it's to early to get up." "But Momma, I want a granola bar." (I'm glad she's at least asking for healthy snacks :) "When you wake up honey."

Then I hear that squeaky voice again. "Mommy, what's wrong with my sister?" "She wanted a granola bar." She smiles and goes back to bed. Last ditch effort, it's 4:40, I can get one more hour of sleep in. "Momma!! I want some water!" It's a compromise, I bring her the water.

5am. All is quiet. I wish I knew what my husband took at night that immobilizes his legs and keeps him snug in bed from the hours of 11pm-6am. And I really want to be annoyed with the fact that my day has begun earlier than expected but now I laugh. Because its funny. And I remember something I saw posted on facebook the other day.



Ain't that the truth :) Time to make some coffee.

Lessons from Issac

Preschool started and unfortunately was not the hit I was hoping for. After a great summer, I don't think any of us were really ready for what "back to school" entailed. And after just two weeks, everyone was on edge. Peanut was making up illnesses, Weesie was crying and Momma was going crazy because no one seemed happy and I was at a loss as to what to do. I was having a million conversations in my head...

"Do they really have to go to school so young?"
"It's great for socialization."

"Why doesn't Peanut like it?"
"She misses her friend silly, she will get through it."

"I'm not working, shouldn't I just save the money?"
"Mommies need time to."

I'm a worrier by nature - my husband calls me Chicken Little. And then a few weeks in we were told to "hunker down" due to possible impact from Tropical Storm Issac.  I was secretly excited about a couple days at home. And worrying about Issac moved my mind from worrying about preschool. The girls and I stocked up on supplies, and prayed for family and friends in Louisiana as the storm neared closer.

When there is no where you have to be you can take time to just be a family. We were lucky - we never lost power, just got wind and a whole bunch of rain. And so I guess you could say Issac put it in perspective for me, sometimes you just need to slow down, take a deep breath and...

Bake cookies

Leave the house in your jammies

Play board games

Watch reality TV (Peanut pointing out her favorite contestant on So You Think You Can Dance)

Run in the rain

Cook a fancy breakfast

Have a dance party

And cherish all the little moments. "Hunkering down" accomplished :)

Pretty Good, Not Perfect

Every momma has her "go-to" dish. You know the one you whip up when you have absolutely no desire to cook but know that feeding your children is the right thing to do? Mine is chicken spaghetti. With a maiden name like Vinterella you may be thinking "yum!". But in reality it requires three things - boneless chicken thighs, a jar of spaghetti sauce (one with absolutely no clumps of stuff in it which will drive my finicky 3 year old into a tailspin) and noodles. One pot and dinner is served.

So I thought all was well in the land of chicken spaghetti, until the fateful day I decided to ask Peanut (the finicky 3 year old) what she thought of dinner. Her response, "Umm. It's pretty good, not perfect." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Sure I hadn't slaved all day over a hot stove, but I also didn't realize I was grooming a tiny perfectionist in the making. So, I laughed. Something I have learned to do a lot since becoming a stay-at-home mom.

I saw a quote the other day, it was attributed to Jill Churchill. "The most important thing she had learned over the years is that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."

Since walking away from my job at an ad agency two years ago, being that perfect mom has eluded me. At work you get raises or bonuses for a job well done and if you screw up, well no one is afraid to tell you that either. But when your clients fall into the three and under category the feedback isn't as clear cut. 

But on that fateful chicken spaghetti night, the wheels of change began to turn. My sweet little Peanut had a voice now. And right after she told me that my cooking was mediocre, she followed it up with, "I love you mommy." I'll take that.